Flip the Script with Anita Arrunategui

It’s love bombs and cold shoulders. It’s slick words that sound right; always to control, seeking pleasure, causing pain. This is the scripted plan of the narcissist. Often they succeed. We scratch our heads and wonder how someone can be so gullible and naive? However, once we understand the victim’s scripted  role in the mix, our questions are answered.

Here is the posturing of the victim:

The narcissist is their drug of choice. The victim finds themselves intensely attached to the cyclic cruel behaviors. It’s the same roller coaster ride an addict goes through whether it’s drugs, alcohol or any other poison available.  Perhaps the victim has previous trauma, looking for familiar territory. The “substance” is craftily introduced to the individual; just a taste, just a hit, just a snort. Our pleasure centers in the brain come alive and we are “intoxicated” from the effects. It’s often exhilarating, exciting. As quick as the high sets in, it’s gone again leaving the person depleted with a deep desire to experience it again. This time maybe a greater toke, a larger glass….you get the idea. This is how the relationship between a person and a substance, or volunteer victim is formed, bonded, and attached.

The narcissist has a keen sense of spotting out a perfect prey. They groom them with intense periods of “love” soon followed by a storm of criticism, belittling them with false accusations and crushing innuendos of worthlessness and incompetencies. Boundaries are crossed and an “I dare you” demeanor to question or defend self is erected: “You will pay!” Still it’s puzzling how the victim gets themselves entangled in this web of highs and lows and deceptive games. But since it’s familiar territory, we may be hooked.

It’s simply learned behavior. 

As a child in a dysfunctional home, this is a congruent pattern. The supposed adult uses the child’s dependency state to reel them into this cycle. Although a child requires unconditional love as they are helpless and need someone to provide in order to survive, they trust it would come from the caregiver. Instead they are forced to get whatever love they can through strategies to defend themselves. They embrace the times they are given “love” and barrel through the destructive periods of rejection, manipulation and criticism. Another period of “love” will follow, they secretly hope. Survival is now the name of the game.

These lyrics portray just what is going on in the victim’s world:

“Honey, load up your questions

And pick up your sticks and your stones

And pretend I’m a shelter

For heartaches that don’t have a home

Choose the words that cut like a razor

And all that I’ll say

Is fire away

Take your best shot

Show me what you got

Honey, I’m not afraid

Rear back and take aim

And fire away

Well, I wish I could say

That I’ve never been here before

But you know and I know

That I’ll always come back for more

Your love might be my damnation

But I’ll cry to my grave

Fire away

Take your best shot

Show me what you got

Honey, I’m not afraid

Rear back and take aim

And fire away” 

Source: LyricFindSongwriters: Christopher Stapleton / Thomas Daniel Green

If you know someone caught in this maze or if you yourself recognize this, just know that help is available. Contact EIS today to get started on a road to recovery. You will be glad you did.